When you have a child, everything changes. From the moment you’re pregnant, you’re treated differently, your social circles change, your relationship with your partner evolves, and your body transforms. You lose a part of yourself before you regain your footing. For someone with a history of ED, this upheaval can make them vulnerable to leaning into their disorder for a semblance of familiarity.

‘Bounce back culture’ is a toxic notion that suggests women are only permitted to gain weight while pregnant, only to erase all evidence of childbearing post-birth. Jenna Perkins, a Women’s Health NP, rightly says, “There is no such thing as returning to the same body a person had before pregnancy and birthing. Tissues stretch, muscles change, hormones shift, and these changes can be permanent. The goal should not be to return to the body you once had.”

Postpartum is challenging for all birthing people, but BIPOC mothers bear the brunt of these challenges. Black mothers have the highest mortality rate during labor and typically experience sub par medical care. This disregard can make it hard to maintain a positive or neutral body image, as your very body feels under attack at one of the most vulnerable times in life.

Birth trauma can have a profound and lasting impact on how mothers view their body, their self-trust as a mother, and their connection with their babies. Even though my own experience wasn’t heavily traumatic, the microaggressions I faced in the medical system during the birthing process gave me insight into the immense pain that can be associated with birth trauma. One of the most painful aspects of birth trauma is the subsequent depression, anxiety and PTSD symptoms that can seem to hijack a new mother’s ability to bond deeply with their baby the way they want to. Many new mothers who have gone through birth trauma mention feeling like they were robbed of the joyful experience mothers without birth trauma report. This breaks my heart. If you are going through this please know it is not your fault and there are plenty of precious bonding opportunities in your future. You deserve tenderness as you work through this major grief.

Like most seasons of intense body image distress, it is often a smoke signal for deeper pain. An opportunity to look below the surface of intrusive body thoughts and uncover the parts of me that need attention. What I have realized in this season is, sometimes, when I yearn for my pre-pregnancy body, I realize that it’s not my body that I miss, but my pre-pregnancy life. I long for the familiarity, comfort, and predictability of my life before my baby. My body wasn’t “easier” pre-pregnancy, my life was. I’m learning to make space for this grief, even as I bask in the immense joy, love, and fulfillment that motherhood brings. And if you’re on a similar journey, I’d be honored to support you.

If you’re seeking support with food and body healing during pregnancy or postpartum, you can find more information on our website. We have a support group coming up on exactly these topics! You can register here.